When my kids were in elementary school, my biggest fear was that they would grow up. I know. This sounds completely reasonable and sane. But truthfully, I was afraid of them growing up because I was afraid of all the ways I might mess up their journey to adulthood. I’ve never parented an almost-adult! How do you even do that!?
I was so scared that when they turned 18, I would have failed to impart major life lessons and moral guidance. They’d end up having to live in our basement forever because I accidentally forgot to make them learn to do their own laundry.
I’m happy to report, for those of you who may be concerned, that all is well.
My oldest daughter turns 17 tomorrow.
This morning I watched as she and her sister rushed out the door, getting into her car to leave for school. At the last minute, my youngest jumped out and raced back inside for her protein bar. My oldest barked through the wide-open passenger side door “We’re gonna be late!!”
I sighed and wanted to pull every single hair out of my head.
We have spent years screaming teaching about the importance of time management so that Morning Frenzy™ isn’t a part of everyday life. However, it would seem there is still room for improvement.
There’s still room to grow, even when “fully grown” is right around the corner.
After tomorrow, we’ve got one more year before she’s a legal adult. Hold please, while I put my head between my knees and find a paper bag.
But contrary to what I used to think…I don’t have to have it all figured out already. And she doesn’t have to be a perfectly trained human being when the clock strikes midnight one year from today.
Don’t Panic. And Don’t Listen to Bad Advice.
I remember her 9th birthday in vivid detail. Staring at her across the breakfast table, I admired her sweet smile, the wide gap between her teeth, and the crooked braid in her hair that she learned to do all by herself. I realized we were halfway done. Exactly half of her childhood had passed.
I’m embarrassed to tell you that this actual thought ran through my mind: “This is it. She’s practically raised. Her childhood is virtually over and there are so many things we still haven’t taught her yet!”
Yes, I’m dramatic. It’s fine.
“Enjoy every minute because it just goes so fast!” is probably the most popular piece of advice moms get, no matter how old their kids are. And no mom actually wants to hear that. Because while there is truth in the sentiment, it tends to ignite chaos in the brain of some moms (not naming names), leaving them to think that once a kid has reached double digits, you might as well start packing their bags. And also, that we haven’t enjoyed every single solitary minute and so we’ll probably spend the rest of eternity consumed with regret.
In hindsight, I didn’t need to panic. We haven’t accidentally forgotten to teach our kids things. We haven’t neglected to let them know how we feel about a wide variety of issues. We’ve learned that they are actual humans who have developed their own opinions and somehow have an understanding of what’s going on in the world. We haven’t simply stood by all these years, watching as they flounder in the deep end of the emotional swimming pool, just hoping they figure it out before they drown.
We’ve been on the sideline, cheering them on, and extending a life preserver when they needed it. And occasionally we’ve knocked them back in because treading water while you learn a hard lesson actually builds character.
Of course there were times when it felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I even had moments where I thought, “Geez, a complete do-over would be about the only way to fix this right now.”
None of That is Actually True
Even if we started all over and talked to our kids every minute of every day about all the things, there will still be room for learning and growing and changing. (And honestly, if we did that they’d stop listening anyway).
As it turns out, my old, irrational fear was unfounded (shocking). Even after she’s fully grown, there’s still room.
There’s still room for her to grow in her faith.
There’s still room for her to make mistakes and learn from them.
There’s still room for her to learn to stand up for herself.
There’s still room for her to develop a passion for something she can’t stop thinking about.
There’s still room to discover the beauty of lifelong friendship.
So when she turns 18, one year from now, it’s only just beginning.
There’s still room for her to become exactly who God created her to be. She may be on the final lap of this particular race, but her journey has just begun.
And I can’t wait to continue cheering from the sidelines.
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P.S. If you’re a mom of younger kids, down in the trenches and just wondering if you’ll ever have a day where you can shower like a normal person or simply have a quiet solitary thought, I can tell you these things for sure:
They’ll eventually finish homework without your help. (Glory.)
One day, bath time and bedtime will be a hands-off experience for you. (I know!)
They’ll be able to make their own breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (Sweet victory.)
They’ll arrange their own get-togethers with friends. (They’ll even drive THEMSELVES there!)
And if you’re still in the stage where you’re trying to figure out how to get them to put away their own laundry, then I’m very sorry for your situation.
I still haven’t figured that out.